Infant in arms.
The purpose of home leave is to ensure that employees who live abroad for an extended period undergo reorientation and re-exposure in the United States on a regular basis.
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Generally, 30 workdays of home leave, exclusive of transit time, is considered an appropriate amount of time to meet the purpose of home leave and will be granted unless the employee requests or has accrued fewer days, or an exception is made based on the needs of the Service.
3 FAM 3431.1
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Nicolas is, as babies come, incredibly go-with-the-flow.
I shouldn’t have been surprised then (but was) that his first flights — the one that brought us from Brussels Zaventem to Washington Dulles and the next one that brought us home to Phoenix’s Sky Harbor six weeks ago — were about as perfect as could be for a 13 month old’s first time flying. Enthusiastically sit in the pilot’s seat sucking on a soothie when the captain invited him and Daddy up for a cockpit tour before takoff? Sure! Bounce around an almost empty cabin for 8 hours, happily passing the time over the ocean? You bet! Party like a rockstar at an empty gate during a 3-hour layover before finally, finally making it home to Grandpa and Grandma’s house almost 20 hours after leaving our Belgian home one last time? Of course.
The kid is a trooper.
(Thank. God.
Foreign Service kids have to be.)
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This trip home has been so different from the last one 18 months ago. The last one a whirlwind tour of the U.S. to see friends & family and announce our pregnancy. This one a more subdued visit to each set of grandparents with a mid-way stop to make sure all of the uncles could finally meet Nicolas. Plus, a side solo trip for me to see my own grandfather for what is likely the last time.
Nothing and everything has changed since we last left. La Croix comes in 3 new flavors and, because the first trip to Target is always completely overwhelming and filled with FOMO in normal times but even more coming from Belgium where shopping has been restricted on & off since the pandemic started, I put all three in the cart. It felt… reasonable. Prudent even.
The contrast between here and there is always a bit jarring but more so this time — it was so strange to be able to go to the grocery store together as a family and even more so when the mask requirements vanished 2 weeks later. I had known that things would be open but hadn’t really thought about what it would look like in practice. At first I felt out of place and even a bit guilty but then I just started to feel…normal?
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It’s hard to separate what’s normal home leave adjustment and what’s home leave now that we have a baby adjustment and what’s home leave in the time of COVID adjustment. In some ways it took longer to settle into feeling like we’re really home and, in other ways, it took less.
Still, the suitcases piled in the corner remind me that we’re very much in between here and there — “home,” yes but also not. If you asked me to tell you where’s “home,” I’d be at a loss. Is it where I pay taxes and vote? Maybe. Is it where my mom and stepdad live? Possibly. Is it where I left before I moved abroad? Feeling less and less so these days. In some ways, “home leave” feels really does more like “homeless leave” (although I choose not to call it that as some FS folks do — I feel abundantly grateful that we have enough places to call “home” even if only temporarily…).
Maybe it’s just a naming problem. After all, the stated purpose of the leave isn’t to make one feel like they’re back at home. It’s to ensure that employees (and their families) who live abroad can experience America for just a tiny little bit before going back out again.
I suppose then, we’ve accomplished that goal — seen as many of the people we love that we can (although it’s still not enough), (over)indulged in the things we’ve missed, and lived our version of the American life for just a few weeks.
Home leave is never long enough and always too long at the same time.
Lucky for us, it’s almost time for the next adventure…
